A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Send help, water and tortillas.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
