I'm gonna have a badass scar
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
