i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
