Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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