I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
