cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
