So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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