i jhust puked up my retainher.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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