My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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