Only a mothe r could love this liver
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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