Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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