Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
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Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
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His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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