I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
