I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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