i really wish james franco would like my vagina
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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