you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
