Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
