Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize