If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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