U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
