so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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