five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
