Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
