I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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