Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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