why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
