Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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