Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
