You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
