We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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