conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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