I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
