Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
