Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
there was a trapeze. enough said
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
