So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
