Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We need to get me chipped asap
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
