You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
