I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
