Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just want nice things and good sex
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
