I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
What a dumb baby whore.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
