i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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