I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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