Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
