Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
