My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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