just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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