You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
