Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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