I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
