I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
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