I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse