It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.