What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
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Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
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Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it