how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
