Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
