Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
