I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
