you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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