ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
