bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
