I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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