YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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