THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
