i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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